Country guides
“You can say you to me!” – The Challenge of Mastering the Unwritten Laws of Sociolect in an International Environment
“That girl has a weird first name”, my coordinator in Belgium whispered to her colleague after I had entered the auditorium where 50 Students gathered for the initial meeting of their international Master Programme. Passing the entrance, I introduced myself as “Zedelius”, telling the enchanting lady who was taking down the student’s names on a list my surname. When in Rome, do as the Romans do, used to be my guideline. Yet, there I was, in Belgium, a country in which at least three languages play a major role: Flemish, French, German, next to English, used as means of international communication. English was the language of the meeting, but which were the unwritten laws of manner and etiquette?
Two weeks later, my coordinator and me laughed at the discovery of the misunderstanding when having lunch together. In the meantime, I had become used to the frightening notion that whatever was seen as polite and customary in my home country, Germany, could here in fact be regarded as stiff, or even as testing. “So, in Germany, you actually always introduce yourself with your last name?” “Well, it depends on who and where you are, you see“, I began to reply carefully to my interlocutor. “It is not all that easy…”
In a formal setting in Germany, you generally introduce yourself with your surname. Distinguishing various levels of politeness, social distance, courtesy, familiarity, or insult, a German person will typically chose the formal personal pronoun Sie when addressing superiors, foreigners, people of higher social status, and people who are older than him. Switching from Sie to the more casual du, signals a particular degree of closeness. Only the superior may offer a changeover – usually this happens over a drink, as the person higher in rank reintroduces himself with his fist name. Curiously enough, in dubbed German version of American movies, a switch from Sie to du happens after woman and man have kissed.
By this time the coordinator looked at me displaying bewilderment in her witty blue eyes. “Don’t worry,” I told her, “sometimes these customs are just as confusing for me.”
Awareness for the not only one’s own but also the other’s manners and etiquette are a good starting point when studying and working in an international environment. But beyond that, going abroad necessitates the re-thinking and consequently the re-negotiation of our costumes with the other, in order to find a level all can adjust to and feel comfortable with.
Both of us had almost finished our meals. “So how about titles then? When are they mentioned?” Luckily, that moment the bells of the library tower interrupted our conversation, saving my entering yet another terrain of socio-linguistic pitfalls. It was time to head back to class.
Photography: © Eric Sijbrands/Expertise in Labour Mobility.
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